The strangest thing I’ve seen, ever, was on a Sunday morning, on a beach in Cape Town, in the closing hours of an all-night outdoor rave.
The setting was surreal to begin with; trance music pulsating out of colourful marquees, mingling with the fresh salty sea air and vividly dressed revellers – some sitting in communal circles, others dancing vacantly.
One chap however, whom had caught my attention, had decided he was a turtle and was trying to burrow into a sand dune. I stood there and watched him and wondered what had taken him to this bizarre and darkly comical place.
Drugs where the obvious conclusion; but there was something else; something about the party, about the decadence and overpowering atmosphere which washed normality away. The enigma I speak of is ‘the summer festival phenomenon’, and whether you’re in Cape Town or the UK, it possesses the same basic ingredient – weirdness.
Enter Summer…(Long, Standing Ovation)
Spot the UK music festClick image to view enlargement
The European summer has finally arrived. Northern hemisphere dwellers, having been starved of sunlight and natural warmth for the unforgiving winter months, are frantic to experience as much outdoor action as their lily-white skins can handle.
And what better way to harness positive summer vibes than to take in a music festival. Fortunately, the UK provides some of the largest and most impressive festivals in the world.
GLASTONBURY
I went to Glastonbury last year but didn’t manage to get a ticket this year. They were sold out within the first few weeks of availability. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief when I heard this, because despite having a fantastic time, five days of relentless partying, sleeping in a tent and having to use the port-a-loos, slowly chips away at your enthusiasm.
The site, located in a beautiful valley in Somerset, is an enormous 900 acres and is enclosed in an impenetrable 12-foot high fence; built to keep out crashers who caused the festival to be cancelled in 2001.
Travelling south to Glastonbury, you will drive past Stonehenge, which sets the tone for a destination that is also shrouded in mythology and symbolism. It is alleged King Arthur and the Holy Grail are buried somewhere on site.
Mystical smells
There is the usual stuff about leylines converging and gateways to other worlds. But the only gateway to another world I encountered was the entrance to my tent which, by day five, led into a mars-like (the sunlight filtered through the red canvas) capsule filled with grass, mud, pongy shoes and an alien life form in the shape of some guy, whom I had never seen before, having a kip.
Besides ancient mythology, urban legends have risen from unknown sources and circulate around the festival preying on the unaware. One of the better-known ones is that Cliff Richard is dead. Although most of his fans can find parking easier than most, this myth seems to be getting more prominent year after year.
I was stung by another classic. Whilst waiting in line for the loo, a man wrapped in a tie die cloth with dreadlocks sprouting from his head turned to me and said: “Apparently, some people fell under the port-a-loos and are being paid £25 000 to keep quiet.”
I didn’t reply. I just tried to erase the horror that had inhabited my mind.
The Music
Glastonbury has come to be a platform for new talent. Many new and up-and-coming bands have made it big by drawing on the massive resource of punters. With a turnout, last year anyway, of around 150 000 people, bands who strike the right chord (please ignore the obvious pun) with attendees have managed to propel their names into the charts.
A few examples include Oasis, Pulp and Robbie Williams in his early Take That breakaway phase. My favourites were the Orbital and the White Stripes who delivered their bluesy rock with a raw, sexy appeal.
Surviving as a musician against a fickle crowd with an almost limitless supply of entertainment is one thing. Surviving as a fickle crowd member with a very un-limitless supply of luxury items is another.
Shower power
I remember day three of Glastonbury, where I began to contemplate having a shower. There was no denying it anymore, I was rank. If you wanted to shower you had three options:
Option one: the classic Portuguese bath with a few deodorising blasts from old faithful.
Option two: going to a same sex shower.
Option three: going to a unisex shower.
Weighing up these options I decided option one could potentially lead to a nasty chemical reaction. Option two was great except the queues where astronomically long. Option three was, well, unisex and I felt slightly daunted at the prospect of standing naked amongst brethren and sister (ren) alike. The only plus about option three was the queues were much shorter.
In a sudden burst of festival freedom I threw my prudishness out the window and decided my body is a temple and it was going to get clean with other male and female temples. I stood up, not allowing the rush of liberalism to disappear, and announced to the group I was with that I was going to take a shower.
To my horror, a couple, whom I didn’t know well at all, stood up and said: “Okay, we’ll come with you.”
In the end I did shower naked with strangers and felt only slightly liberated, but supremely fresh.
When: Friday 27 June, 03 until Sunday 29 June, 03
Where: Worthy Farm, Pilton, Shepton Mallet, Somerset
How much: Around £105 for the five days plus some additional charges for parking.
If a five-day festival seems a bit daunting there are many other options on offer.
HOMELANDS
I went to Homelands a few weeks ago. The festival, which has a predominantly dancy edge, starts at one in the afternoon and ends at six the next morning.
It was very overcast and threatening to rain the entire time. However, with a line-up that included Groove Armada, the Chemical Brothers, The Streets and DJ’s like Jeff Mills, Sasha and John Digweed no one really gave a toss.
Located in the South West, in Winchester, it is about a two-hour journey from London. Distance was obviously not a factor because people from all over Europe attended.
I met a girl who travelled from Belgium to see some big name techno DJs. She told me about an eleven-day techno festival in Belgium which she had just been to. She immediately earned my respect having entered in at number two in my ‘Most Gruelling Experiences’ chart. For those who are wondering, number one involved my sisters and a blackhead remover. I’ll say no more.
When: Saturday 24 May, 03
Where: The Bowl, Matterley Estate, nr. Winchester, Hants.
How much: £49
V2003
Sponsored by Virgin (hence the ‘V’), it is a two-day affair taking place in the north and south of England concurrently - with bands swapping locations on either day. I’ve got a ticket for this baby and am gasping for the line up that includes: Primal Scream, Gomez and Basement Jaxx.
When: Saturday 16 August, 03 until Sunday 17 August, 03
Where: Weston Park, Staffordshire and Hylands Park, Chelmsford, Essex
How much: £90 with camping, £75 without, day £42.50, camper van £30 (with w/e ticket)
Just can’t stop…till you get enough!
The festival list goes on with other favourites including Gatecrasher, Redding, Creamfields and T in the Park. And if you are looking for something smaller, low key and underground there are loads of mini festivals that sprout up, legally and illegally, from the UK’s culturally and musically fertile soil. I recommend the experience, if for anything, then for the oddballs.
Useful festival websites
http://travel.iafrica.com/expats/europe/243336.htm
